New Year 2009

2008 has been a crazy year. Where do I even begin.... with the loss of my grandfather, friends moving outta town, change of jobs, a bad break up and many other events. I'm glad that the year is over. Of course I'm thankful for everything that happened because it made me the person I am today. I believe that things happen for a reason and you will never get more than you can handle.

Now most people are going to make resolutions about what they are going to change for the new year. I really don't believe in doing that because most of the time they are broken with in the first month. Why do you have to wait until the new year to make changes in your life. You can wake up and see tomorrow that you wanna stop eating junk food and do it. You can only make change for yourself. And you certainly can't change for anyone.

If I were to entertain the thoughts of resolutions they would be the following: volunteer more, spend more time with my family, go back to school and live a healthier life. Even though I have gone to my moms school 2 times this year. I should try to go at least once a week. I actually enjoyed helping the kids and spending time with them. I spend time with my family but I don't think I should spend as much time with my mom as I should. I have want to spend more time with her. We barely see each other. We are both so busy so I have decided that once of a month we will have mommy and daughter day. Since I'm trying to get into modeling I need to tone up. I have been losing weight now I just need to get into the gym and tone myself up.

2009 is going to be the beginning of something big for me. I have 2 photo shoots in January and my friend Sarah and I plan on starting our own business with aspiring models. Which is also why I need to go back to school for business. I have a lot of plans for the New year and I can't wait to get started. I refuse to allow myself to accept the bs that I dealt with in 2008. I was you all a Happy New Year. Much love

Myspace Drama

I don't even know where to began...a female decided to write me on myspace. Now I'm really not the type to entertain these type of actions. But she basically tried to G check me. I understand why she may feel threatened by me because her man and I are extremely close. Him and I have been best friends and close to relations for 7 years now.

Him and I stopped taking for a few weeks and then on Christmas she decided to send me a message on myspace. The message stated the following " thanks for leaving my man alone and Merry Christmas." Now first of all who the fucked ends a message like that. If your gonna go hard then go hard. Don't try to add any niceness to it. So, after I read the message I just laughed. Stuff like this is funny to me. I not the type of female to do something like that. You have to be pretty insecure to search for the person on myspace and wrote them on some bull.

So I called him and asked him what the letter was all about. He didn't even know about it. So I sent him a screen shot...thank god for that option on kicks...lol. He called me back and said sorry on her behalf. I told him that I would leave it alone and not even respond back. Which is hard to believe because all my friends and I feel like she came at me wrong. I'm still not sure what makes me so mad about it...the fact that she wrote me or that she wrote me on Christmas.

Well, I ended up writing her back even though I shouldn't have. I was having a bad day and she caught me at the wrong time. I basically let her know what the deal was. So of course I'm waiting for her to respond back to me. I already know what she's gonna say. I'm mad at myself for even lowering myself to her level but at the same time I'm not going to allow anybody come at me wreckless.

This whole thing has put me outta my element. I don't have time for this. I'm moving on with my life and I don't have time for this petty drama. Him and I know what we have. I understand that many people don't get it but him and I do. He's just like me and I'm just like him...lol. So if your reading this you know the DEAL!!!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and Santa was good to you. Much love...kisses

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to ALL!!! As you already know I don't want to celebrate but I'm doing it for my family. They are the most important people in my life. With out them I would be nothing. Oh and my amazing friends. I love you all. Thanks to everyone for all your support during this hard time. This is going to be a super short blog but I hope you all get what you want and enjoy the time you spend with your family. Much love to all. Muah!

Update

I just wanted to give my fellow blogheads an update on me. As always I'm spending a lot of time with my family and friends. I truly have the holiday blues. Its also hard not having my grandpa here this year. Plus my best friends moved up north and the won't be coming home for the holidays. So I don't want a Christmas tree. I don't feel like Christmas shopping and dealing with the lines. All in all I just wish I could skip the holidays this year. I'm trying to get into modeling for car shows and doing pin up. I'm just trying to eat right and exercise to make sure that my body will be looking right for my first photo shoot that will hopefully be in the next couple of weeks or in Jan. This has been something that I always wanted to get into and now I actually have the chance so I'm going to go for it. I still think I'm a little shy for it but a lot of people are encouraging me to model. So I will certainly keep you posted. Lovelife....where do I begin. Lately, I have been attracting guys with girlfriends and that isn't my style so I have to tell them to keep it moving. Plus the one guy that I actually think I can have something real with is playing games. He's with the chick one day and the next he isn't. So of course on his off days he's rapping in my ear telling me he loves me and stuff like that. My heart has been through so much this year I can't take it anymore. But I must admit there is a lot of sexy sexy men trying to holla lately. At least they gave me some kind of hope. Well that's basically it about me. 2009 is my time to shine. You will be hearing a lot of me in the coming years. I can't wait! Its truly time to show the world what I'm made of. Oh and my homegirl Nellz is writing a book called "the good life" check it out through blogpsot. She has madd talent...and I also expect great things from her in 2009 as well. Much love!

Brown Sugar

I MET THIS GIRL WHEN I WAS 10 YRS OLD AND WHAT I LOVED ABOUT HER SHE HAD SO MUCH SOUL SHE WAS OL' SCKOOL AND I WAS JUST A SHORTY NEVER KNEW THROUGHOUT MY LIFE THAT SHE WILL BE THERE FOR ME

So there's this guy that i have a lot of history wit. He means the world to me. He understands me in a way that no one else does. He makes me smile when all I wanna do is frown. All in all he is the right guy for me. Now I haven't always given him a fair chance and the saying is true you never know what you have until its gone. Now he has a girlfriend and isn't allowed to talk to me. We had this on going joke that we are each others Brown Sugar. Now if you haven't seen the movie then you have no clue what I'm talking about. Him and I have been very good friends for years now. When the world walks out on me he's always there by my side. He dates other people and I date other people but we always end up talking again. We have had feelings for each other since back in the day when we first started talking. Our feelings never change if anything they get stronger. So to my Brown Sugar...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you....you are the perfect verse over a tight beat!


Here are some quotes from the movie:
*I don't know why your heart doesn't do what your mind tells it.


*When did you fall in love with Hip-Hop?


*Simplicity provides a fine line between elegance and plainness.


*You are the perfect verse over a tight beat.


*You're my air. . .


*You're my best friend, nobody believes in you more than I do.


*Just when you think you know hip hop it surprises you and reminds you why you fell in love with it in the first place.


*So what's the difference between rap and hip hop? It's simple. It's like sayin' you love somebody and bein' in love with somebody. Rap is only a word.


*Well if you hook up you get the best of both worlds, you get the buddy AND the booty!


*You know we all lookin for wifen material A woman thats fine smart classy but not a snob hella hella sexy but not a hoe thats brown sugar


...to hip hop. I loved you, I still do...and I always will.

Thanks and giving

Happy Thanksgiving to all. I hope you eat lots of turkey and be thankful for what you have. Of course also watch some football and plan out what stores you are going to spend money in on black friday.
So you might wonder what it is that I'm thankful for? I'm thankful for my family first and foremost. All of my friends and my haters...lol. Also for my life and that I haven't had any major illnesses. For my freedom and rights that men and women have given their life for me to have. The fact that I have a job when the unemployment rate is going up and they don't expect it to get better until 2010. I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head and food on the table and money in my pocket of course...lol.
I have decided to start giving. I always donate a couple dollars here and there but now I will be doing more. I have applied to be a volunteer at my moms school. She teaches 5th grades. Oh and by the way many of you who know me know I don't like kids except my little cousins and Miss Nisey of course. So also long as I get approved I will be going to her class once a week and helping them with their math work and reading to them. Since my mom started teaching she has asked me to do it. I didn't want to be bothered but now I think it will be a good thing to do. I know that what you put into life is what you get back...
Well blog heads its off to help my grandma make the apple pies...everything homemade even the crust. My grandfather and he always made the pies the day before. Well, this is the first holiday without him...its sad. But no matter what we will make the best of it. So enjoy your family and be thankful for the time you have with them. Much love. Happy Turkey day....lol

Too nice or not mean enough??

Have you ever done and done for a person and all they do is walk all over you? Lately, I have been feeling like I have been doing too much for people and not getting anything in return. Now, I know that your suppose to do for the sake of doing and not wanting anything in return. I have learned when you do too much for people they start to take advantage of you. As Nellz, would say "Drea you just too nice, learn how to say no!" Lol, I love her for that. She lets me bitch about the people that walk all over me and don't shit for me.
I just don't understand how you can loan someone something and they take their precious time getting it back to you. I have the attitude that what's mine is yours. I need to stop that. Over the past couple of months I have loaned countless items and they still haven't been returned. Now I know when I lent the items out the borrowing person knew it was a loan...so where is my stuff??
Or I hate it when a person needs you to do something for them and you do. But when you need them they are no where to be found. Missy always reminds me that I need to stop helping other people especially because when I need them they don't help. Ugh, people just make me so mad sometimes. I do whatever I can to help someone so why don't they help me when I need it?
As, you can see I'm just venting about a certain type of people. I know that no everyone is like that and I'm lucky to know a few good people. So the next time you borrow something from someone try to return it in a timely manor. Or the next time someone calls you for a favor try and do it because the day might come that you will need something from them. Much love!

MEN...

Are good men the last of a dying breed? I believe so. Ok so I'm a little tired of men these days. Before I go any farther let me just say I love guys and in no way trying to bash them. But seriously where the hell are all the good men lately. They don't know how to act when they have a good girl. Now I may not be the perfect girl but I'm a good catch. I'm the type of girl that will do anything for her man and sometimes it ends up biting me in the ass. One example would be my ex, I gave him the world and it still wasn't good enough he ended up cheating. I mean of course we both did wrong but I believe the key to a good relationship is honestly. Another example would be a friend of mine that wants to be with me but he thinks I'm going to play second to another chick. I'm too good to play second and I deserve to be the only chick.My grandma told me the other day that she feels bad for me because guys my age either cheat or wanna be babied. I completely agree with her. I know not every guy is bad but it just seems like I come across the assholes. I think that I have been so use to dealing with assholes that I might not realize a good man when he comes.Now I may not be perfect. I'm bitchy and hard to deal with..but its going to take a real man to handle me. I haven't given up on Mr. Right. I just hope that when he comes he will be patient with me and understand that he might have to break down the walls I have put up. And to all the good men out there keep up the good work...you will find a girl that appreciates you!

***I am selfish,impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes,I'm out of control and at times hard to handle.But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best***

Highs and Lows

Highs and lows...that basically describes my life in a nut shell. The past couple of months have been crazy for me. Some of the events that caused the craziness are best friends moving up North, a breakup, a new job, starting back up a friendship with a childhood friend and the passing of my grandfather. There are days when I'm happy and there are days when I'm sad. I truly wish I could find a happy median but I also know that takes time.
Lately, I have just been feeling blah. Its a feeling I just can't shake. A few weeks ago found this quote while flipping through a magazine. "Keep your face to the sunshine and you will never see the shadow" The quote made me start thinking.....Instead of worrying about what we don't have we need to be thankful for what we do have. I'm so thankful for my family, friends and my life. I'm trying not to let the little things stress me out anymore. If you put positive into the world that's what you get out of it.
I use to be stuck on this whole this guy broke my heart so fell bad for me or I didn't have a father so this is why I act like this. Instead of looking for pity I now look for the positive in everything. Its hard but it does help me. What most people need to learn is how to turn something negative into something positive.
We spend so much of our life thinking that if we have more money or more power things will be better. Biggie said it best more money more problems. Now I'm not saying that more money wouldn't help but most of the time when we say more money we speak about millions. Before I always wanted the newest clothes, sunglasses, shoes and cellphones. Now don't get me wrong I still do but if I can't afford it today then I will get it when I can. I'm not gonna make myself broke to have a new fit but no gas in my car to show it of...lol.
So now when life hands me a lemon I just need to make lemonade. There are always going to be good and bad days but the true test is if you make it through them. This morning we went to leave some flowers on my grandfathers grave. The whole ride it was cloudy once we got there the sun peeked through the clouds. Maybe that was my Grandfathers way of telling me that there will be brighter days.



**Today is Veteran's Day. I would like to say a special thank you to everyone that is or has served our country...especially you DOC! RIP to my favorite Vet...I love you Grandpa.
Walter P Fijalkowski
PFC US Army
World War II
Bronze star and Purple heart

Politicing

Vote or die...vote for change...these quotes have become so familiar in our every day vocabulary. Voting in this election was so important. Now I'm not going to say which way I voted. Personally I feel that neither one of them is right for what America needs right now. With the country in a recession even though no one wants to talk about it. I just hope whoever wins will be able to carry the country through this. Times are tough, gas prices are high, unemployment is high, stock is down, and people can't afford to live anymore. WAR NEEDS TO END...bring our men and women home!! Thank you to all of them that have been fighting for our country.
So I went out and voted today and waited in line for 2 hours. Now I know some people only waited 30 minutes...in 4 years I'm either going to vote early or do absentee ballot. I really miss the electronic voting machines. I think its good to have a paper trail since Florida always seems to have a problem with voting. As soon as I was done voting I went straight to my grandparents. As I sat down and discussed my voting experience with my grandmother I realized how truly lucky I am. One I was able to vote in one of the most important elections and two I was also able to witness my grandmother vote in the same election. My grandmother and I watched the news together. While watching the news a reporter stated that whites would not vote for a blacks...and it made me think why can't they say that blacks won't vote whites.

So now we know Obama will be the next president. I hope that he will show great leadership. More importantly, I hope Americans will give him a chance. I hope that he will be able to help America out of these troubled times. For everyone who went out and vote...Good job...if you didn't vote then you can't say shit...haha. Its nice to be a part of history. Has this 'm election changed peoples views on race? Maybe maybe not....I'm Andrea and I approve this message...lol.

Footprints

As I sit here on the beach to clear my head...I think about the footprints people have left on my heart. Just like the footprints I leave on the sand. I have had a lot of great people come into my life and leave footprints on my heart. Some have stayed awhile and some have only stayed a short period of time. In a day in age where its so hard to meet good people...how have I been so lucky to have so many in my life.

A few of the people that left footprints are my mother, my grandparents, Amy, Missy, Kristen, T, Nick, and the rest of my family and friends. Of course my mother because she gave birth to me and raised. She is truly an amazing women. She has taught me everything that I know in life. My grandparents have shown me love and what a family should be. They have been there for me no matter what. Their love is something that I could only have in life. Amy...where could I even began. There are so many ways she has impacted my life. I love her more than she will ever know. She has been there through it all. Missy...another amazing friend. She always see the rainbow even through the rain. I don't know where I would be without her. Kristen...she's family by blood and a friend by choice. T...he's always by my side even when I don't deserve it. There are so many more people that touched my life that it would take a few hours to write this.

My only hope is that I'm able to leave footprints on the hearts of the people I come across. I try to live my life in a good manor and treat everyone with respect. So in closing thank you to all the people that have left footprints on my heart. You mean more than you will ever know. People come into your life and people go. The ones you love are always in your heart and if your lucky a plane ride away.

Boots and Sweaters

With my Cinnamon Dolce Latte in hand and a smile on my face I begin my chilly day. I love chilly days its the perfect time to pick up a great book or have lunch at an outside cafe. Or of course you could do my favorite hobby of shopping. Which reminds me that Aldo has super cute boots for fall and winter. When cold fronts come through I really appreciate them because it allows us to wear our super cute winter fits....lol. Plus it changes up the scene a little.

Though this week has been really hard to make it through. With the passing of my grandfather. But I have come to realize that he would not want me to sit back and be sad. I just have to remember that he is with me everyday. He's my angel now...

Today I seemed to have found inner peace and therefore I was able to have a great day. Inner peace is something we should all have. There have been a lot of ups and downs but I have finally found myself again. I'm no longer letting the little things get to me. Life really is too short to be upset or stress out over the little things. I find happiness in the little things like a good cup of coffee, a night with the girls or even a good phone call. I just love my life and I'm trying to live it to the fullest everyday. Everything I go through good or bad makes me the person I am now.

I have decided to open up my heart to love again. I refuse to let one bad apple ruin it for the rest. It has taken me a lot to get to this point but I don't want to lose out on my one great love due to a bad break up. I believe when you have love you have everything.

Sorry, I'm skipping topics so quickly... my mind is truly all over the place. I promise that my next blog will stay on topic. I'm about to start my wonderful day. It's so nice outside and I'm off....I don't even know what to do with myself...lol.... Much love to all my blogheads...

PS....I'm just a little upset with someone in my inner circle..I have done so much for this person and when I need then they can't help me out. Oh well....just wanted to vent quickly about that.

To Grandpa with love

On October 19, 2008 at 8:45 p.m. my grandfather passed away. He is and was the best man I have ever known. Words can not express how much I miss him. Though we knew it was coming sooner or later it his us harder than we ever expected. Him and my grandma have been married for 61 years and they have true love. They have raised 5 children, helped raised 14 grandchildren, and also helped raised 4 great grandchildren. All his children and grandchildren feel as though they are the favorite. That just shows how wonderful he was. While in the war my grandfather was given a purple heart because he went back in the line of fire to save a fellow soldier.

For as long as I can remember he has always been there for me. At a very young age my grandfather nicknamed me Pollywog even in his last days he called me it. All throughout my school days he waited for me to walk home from school or even picked me up. He always cooked me Ramon Noddle Soup or Applesauce sandwiches...I doubt that I would eat the sandwiches today. I was the luckiest grandchild because I was able to spend so much time with him. We had a very special bond will always be dear in my heart. If you know my grandfather and I personally then you know the relationship we have. I felt like besides my grandmother, I was the apple of his eye. Though he was hard on us, he made us the people we are today.

Grandpa, I will never forget the stories you told us about your childhood or even the war. Even though I still don't like carrot cake I will always remember the day you made us sit at the table and eat carrot cake. I never forget baking with you or even the road trips up north. I miss watching wrestling with you. Every time I look at my tattoo, I will think about the lecture that you and grandma gave me. I will never forget the day you and grandma renewed your vows. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. You two were truly meant for each other. I truly cherish all the memories that we have made together.

Grandpa you are my hero. I hope you know how much I truly respect you. Thank you for fighting for the freedom that we have today. You truly showed us what strength was, you were in pain everyday and yet continued to have a smile on your face. Thank you for holding the family together when grandma had breast cancer. You are my superman. I could keep going on about all the great things you have done.

I told him everyday that I loved him and I hope he never forgets that. I promise to take care of grandma for you and to come visit you as much as I can. I will never forget what you taught me. You always stressed the importance of education, self discipline and that family comes before everything. I will go back to school because I know that is what you would want me to do.Thank you so much for creating a wonderful family. I can only hope that I can have a family that will be in the likeliness of ours. Please be our angel and watch over us. Help us make the right decision. Even though you are not here on earth you will forever be in our hearts. I love you grandpa and may you rest in peace. Your pollywog misses you more than ever. Hugs and kisses.

***I wanted to post a picture of my grandfather and I but was not able to at this point...it will be posted soon***

Family Ties

I have been blessed with an amazing family. I have wonderful grandparents, parents, aunts, unlces' and cousins. Even though I am an only child I have my two cousins that are like my sisters, Kristen and Nikki.Kristen is my best friend and sister. She is always there when I need her, during the last couple of months we have needed each other evenly. Our nicknames are Ebony and Ivory...lol. We can always be found together like peanut butter and jelly or salt and pepper...you can't have one without the other. And if you do it just isn't the same. I would do anything for her, whatever she needs I make it happen no matter what. Nikki is her sister. Her and I are close as well. I'm always willing to help her. I guess together we would make the 3 stooges. Out of all the cousin we are the closest. Nikki is a fun loving wild child and I mean that in the best way lol. During a time like this our family has pulled together and supported each other. No matter what our differences and fights we put them all aside for my grandparents. I wish that everyone would be lucky enough to have a family like ours. My only hope is that I will be able to pass down all the traditions and values that I have learned from my family.

LoveLockDown

Love...where do I even began. We all have a chance it at it just depends whether we take it or not. I feel that I have only been in love twice before. There was my high school sweetheart and my most recent ex. There are people like my grandparents who find it and make it last forever. Then there are people who give up when times get rough. I have always hoped for love like my grandparents. The best way to describe it would be the movie The Notebook.

Now if I were to sit here and say I don't love me ex that would be a lie. I'm going to love him forever. Him and I have and had good times and bad times. He knows that I'm in love with him and I know that he's in love me. In many ways I believe that he is the one for me. We have put each other through a lot in the last couple of months. We have crossed that line into hate once or twice. But at the end of the day my heart is with him. He once told me that I love him unconditionally which is true. I love him for the person he is and the person I am when I'm with him. I don't love him for what he can buy for me or what he can do for me...I simply love him for him. Now I know me talking about loving him so much is strange because we are no longer together but there is always a chance that we might work through this. For a long time I had given up on love myself.

I always struggle with the fact that being in love cause pain. Even if you spend your entire life with someone and they pass you end up with a broken heart. Or if you are with someone for a while and then they all of a sudden fall out of love with you. Then you end up with a broken heart. When people say love is for suckers I understand it because its a big risk to fall in love. You could always end up getting hurt but if you don't take a shot at love you can lose out on even more. As of right now my love is on lockdown. The course of love never runs smoothly...there are many ups and downs. As long as you are a strong couple and have trust then you will be able to with stand anything. I wanna take some time to show some love to some couples that I truly respect and admire: my grandparents, Nellz and Turbo, April and Kurt, Patty and Tim, Kristen and Tony and any other couple I forgot.

**Sidenote** Yesterday was my grandfather 86th Birthday. I'm was glad to be able to spend this day with him. I love you grandpa...you are my world!